My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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