no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
