bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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