I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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