We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
