her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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