Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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