theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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