If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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