is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
