so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
