just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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