??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
