I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
