Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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