Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
PANTIES FOUND
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