you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
