The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
