I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
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So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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