burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize