She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
