Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
