He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
