i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
