I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
