Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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