I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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