My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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