She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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