You're my little dorito
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
