Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
