So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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