mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
