never play flip cup with pint glasses
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
