Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
