I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize