I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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