"it" just moved
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
