He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
