so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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