I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
