are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
