i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
