i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
