wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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