...so i touched it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
