I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
