My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
