She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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