I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
