I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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