I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize