NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
