I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
