at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
