i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
