you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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