Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
