I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
