I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
