You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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