Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
