I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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