i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
