Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
