If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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