I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
