My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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