I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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