I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I didn't shave. On purpose
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
