God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
