Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
