dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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