I hate all girls vehemently.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think I won the penis lottery.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
