Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
