i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
