All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
