I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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