Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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