dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
