I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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